you choose

Would you rather hear about my failed chemo and hopelessness or see pictures of Kazzie?
I thought so.


I apologize that every picture of my niece I post has to include my thighs. I am spending some quality time with the Spaz since getting out of the clink (hospital) yesterday afternoon. The Vincristine leaves me with very little strength so I sit up with my knees bent and sit her up facing me. We have serious conversations, tell important secrets and sing songs.

Our favorite songs:
On Top of Spaghetti
Monster Mash (without the scary sound effects at the beginning)
Back to Back, Belly to Belly (Zombie Jamboree)
Hokey Pokey
Rubber Duckie (just joined the list)

Kazzie Bradshaw

Kazzie has been the recipient of many, many wonderful previously-loved clothes and toys from cousins and friends, as well as some shiny new things. Yesterday she wished to model some of her footwear. Thank you to Auntie Meredith for the beautiful shoes!!! (The Kaz also acquired a pair of wellies (I think from Miss N via Rach?) but wouldn't hold her foot stiff enough for me to get them on.)



If I'm not mistaken, the onesie came in the hernia-inducing box from Iowa (Auntie Jane and Co.). People have been so generous and the Spaz appreciates all her treasures! Sometimes she changes several outfits a day and now that she's started to put a little meat on her bones, the newborn stuff almost fits.

Greetings and thanks to everybody! (Spazzy little wave)

WAH!

UNCENSORED!

Too hot to hook

or so you'd think. I'm not sure how hard up I'd have to be to pour myself into a black nylon dress and put on high heels and stand on a street corner, then get it on with a sweaty stranger in 42-degree (Celsius) heat. I imagine I'd have to be pretty f-in' hard up. And this woman last night had a big smile on her face, and her hair done. O la la. Γεια στο κουράγιο σου, κοπέλα μου.

I have some good pictures of the Spaz from yesterday, but they're on K's cam, so who knows when I can share them? ALSO, there is a chance they will be subject to CENSORSHIP!!! I wish to share with my few but select readers the full breadth of personality that is KAZZIE. Unfortunately there are those who would hide some of the spazzier shots behind the censor's heavy black curtain. I am not naming names, but you can probably guess who is behind the heavy handedness.

Carrot confounds

from the rat's nest,
another snap or two,
of the wondrous niece,
bemused, befuddled and perplexed
by Carrot, rat's nest denizen and world traveller.

What to make of this wide-eyed, wide-lipped creature?

Spaz Attack!

this from KAS HQ
(the rat's nest, dontcha know):

In my waking dreams I am the ideal Auntie. My niece Kazzie and I ride our scooters through the woods, accompanied by my (our) faithful dog, the legendary King Arfur of the House of de la Haye. Kazzie is wearing a helmet and knee and elbow pads. Arfur carries sandwiches, juice boxes (Capri Sun) and art supplies in the pouches of his utility vest. I am full of fun, energy, pep and verve.

In reality, however, I have turned out to be a bit of a dud Auntie. I'm not sure I would hire me to be a free nanny some day.

In the week that I have known the Spaz, we have spent most of our time together NAPPING. I do not mean that she (rightfully, as a small baby) (and I mean small) (she is really little) naps as I flit about the rat's nest making myself useful. I mean that we both sleep sleep sleep. The spazzie life-giving energy makes for good snoozing karma.
I have one more week to recover before I go back in for the second round of the most evil chemeo yet. This time I know what to expect so it's almost worse. My neck will have barely recovered from the mega mainline before they slice into that nice chubby jugular (?) to reinsert the new one. Hopefully I'll get some energy back in the next few days and will liven up some. Then the Spaz and I will be able to hop and dance around a bit, which she seems to like when her Granny does it.

The KAS reports:
**Today during one of our naps Kazzie had a grip on one of my fingers. We were both snoozing when she suddenly had a spaz attack and squeezed my finger so hard that I woke up...
**We are all afraid that the Kaz may have inherited my nose. Both her parents have very nice noses. If, despite the best of parental intentions, you got my schnoz, Kaz, I'm really sorry, baby.
**Kazzie likes to sleep with her arms over her head, fists closed, in a victory gesture. I will try to get a pic as this is very cute.

varias co

Just a quickie:
There are some cool teenagers out there. I don't remember how I ended up reading parts of a 16-year old's blog, but I followed from link to link and saw that there are some smart teens writing and making waves and influencing other young people and society. Being over a decade and a half past my own teenagerhood, I've just assumed my bright and interesting teenaged students are exceptions to the rule. But apparently there are a lot of kids out there who don't look up to Pariss Hilton (deliberately misspelled so that my post doesn't come up when people google her name).

Speaking of getting names wrong and being an adolescent, I remember I used to think that the best way to get back at a "popular" kid that said sth nasty would be to pretend you didn't know who they were. In my high school this was plausible since there were almost 4000 students in four grades. So anyway, I always thought I'd reply with, "Wait, who are you? How do you even know me?" And that would make them feel small and unimportant, the worst punishment for somebody who valued their popularity.

The weird thing is, I don't think anyone ever made fun of me. Unless I've blocked it out. So that really speaks to my old insecurities, doesn't it? I was so afraid of some confrontation that never even happened that I had my comeback ready to go. Actually in the 6th grade this dude Tom (big guy with freckles and red hair) said something obnoxious to somebody and I said "Tom, you're rude" and he said, "you're fat". Also in the second grade John "Liver Diapers" made fun of me because of my lisp (cured by Christmas thanks to the speech lady). (By the way, K and I only called the L brothers "liver diapers" between ourselves because they were mean.) Gee I'm on a roll. Maybe I'll think of lots of other examples of people making fun of me and have to come back and revise this post.

PS: A piece of me trivia: I still know that John Liver Diapers's birthday is January 26th. HOW THE HELL DO I REMEMBER THAT??? Probably because we were the only two January birthdays in Mrs Larson's 2nd grade. ALMOST 30 YEARS AGO.

Another good (private) insulting name K and I had for a nasty cow: Barfella aka Barfelle. She was older than us but skated at Centennial and was mean. She was also fat and ugly as mud, but apparently thought it was appropriate to tell other people they were.

Speaking of the speech lady, am I unkind if I say that people with speech impediments shouldn't be TV and radio presenters? Isn't the voice what it's all about? Shouldn't the network make them visit the speech lady for a few sessions? Also cops and riot police who are so out of shape they look like heart attacks waiting to happen. Isn't fitness a huge part of their job? As you know, in my current condition, I couldn't run a block without keeling over and I've heard my voice on tape and it's terrible. So I'm not making these points from a position of superiority, but I'm also not applying for either of these jobs.

Some things just puzzle me, that's all.

See how I started my post pointing out something positive and it spiraled into negativity? I think my recent depression is to blame. I like to believe I'm a nice person. Cutting out the 'roids is probably responsible. No worries, though, as the new chemo regimen calls for a full 60mg a day, so I'll soon be my old Miss Piggy-faced, good-humored self.

Random memory:
Late bus home from high school after staying late for yearbook, bus driver trying to figure out who my sister was, light dawning on his face: "Oh, I know her. She's the happy-go-lucky one."
I'm really not sure what it means to be happy go lucky, which is why I've never called anybody that, but ok, sure.