a scrap of poetry from the rat's nest to the universe
To my adopted country
I apologize for
(almost)
every time that I
have called you a
third-world
shithole
and the thought of leaving you
makes me sick
to my stomach.
Even the rat's nest
is starting
to look good
and that's...
saying something.
ADVANTAGE OF SPENDING THE NEXT 6 MOS IN THE US:
potentially getting rid of cancer
DISADVANTAGES OF SPENDING THE NEXT 6 MOS IN THE US:
missing the birth of the Spaz
I repeat, missing the emergence of the Spaz
being away from my flowers
missing out on organic veg all summer
no sun* or swimming for another year
being away from my stuff
etc etc etc
In the spirit of my niece, I got a really spazzie dress for Eva's wedding.
Do you think we'll beat Argentina tonight?
Just kidding.
I hereby promise that my next post will be positive.
*No offense but our sun is special.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
WANNA SPANK YOU
Actually, it was WANNA SPANK YOU.
In silver sequins.
On a black t-shirt.
Worn by an over-the-hill priest's wife.
With black skirt, pantyhose and shoes.
And a somber expression on her face.
And a similar somber expression on her husband,
the priest's, face.
Ah, the papadia, role model of society,
Spanking people.
It just won't do.
By the way, it costs over a million bucks to get a stem cell transplant at Stanford if you have to pay cash. If you were wondering.
In silver sequins.
On a black t-shirt.
Worn by an over-the-hill priest's wife.
With black skirt, pantyhose and shoes.
And a somber expression on her face.
And a similar somber expression on her husband,
the priest's, face.
Ah, the papadia, role model of society,
Spanking people.
It just won't do.
By the way, it costs over a million bucks to get a stem cell transplant at Stanford if you have to pay cash. If you were wondering.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
OMG Can't believe I forgot to write about this!!!
Okay I know it's really late and Jiora is picking me up at 11 am and then I'm having company for lunch. BUT:
I have to make a huge announcement. Huge in the context of this blog, very minor to utterly insignificant in almost any other context. [Dude, got the mozzie!*] So the other night I confronted Vromyar II about the stogies!!!!!!!!!!!!
Allow me to set the scene: The entire rat's nest smelled like el cheapo cigars from his nasty, filthy habit, which I have mentioned in previous posts. The smell was so nasty that the membrane on the inside of my nostrils was irritated! This caused a headache. I couldn't close the balcony doors because it was too hot. I was psychologically f-ed up due to general sickiness and an annoying email from doc. I started coughing/wheezing uncontrollably and couldn't sleep although it was late (2am?). I finally fell asleep only to be reawakened by renewed stink.
SO I DONNED the Lewis R French sweatshirt (for the sake of decency, not warmth, since as I mentioned it was hot) and the flip-flops and flip-flopped downstairs to his filthy door and knocked for sth like 3 minutes. Finally he came to the door and I told him off. To be honest it was somewhat anti-climactic because he was kind of agreeable and apologized and said he'd had no idea and he'd try to cut down. But still, it felt good to finally face off with the dude. Needless to say, when he opened the door an absolute cloud of reek billowed out.
I can't say that he has reformed completely but it does seem that maybe he's cut down some. Vamos a.
*see asterisk of previous post
I have to make a huge announcement. Huge in the context of this blog, very minor to utterly insignificant in almost any other context. [Dude, got the mozzie!*] So the other night I confronted Vromyar II about the stogies!!!!!!!!!!!!
Allow me to set the scene: The entire rat's nest smelled like el cheapo cigars from his nasty, filthy habit, which I have mentioned in previous posts. The smell was so nasty that the membrane on the inside of my nostrils was irritated! This caused a headache. I couldn't close the balcony doors because it was too hot. I was psychologically f-ed up due to general sickiness and an annoying email from doc. I started coughing/wheezing uncontrollably and couldn't sleep although it was late (2am?). I finally fell asleep only to be reawakened by renewed stink.
SO I DONNED the Lewis R French sweatshirt (for the sake of decency, not warmth, since as I mentioned it was hot) and the flip-flops and flip-flopped downstairs to his filthy door and knocked for sth like 3 minutes. Finally he came to the door and I told him off. To be honest it was somewhat anti-climactic because he was kind of agreeable and apologized and said he'd had no idea and he'd try to cut down. But still, it felt good to finally face off with the dude. Needless to say, when he opened the door an absolute cloud of reek billowed out.
I can't say that he has reformed completely but it does seem that maybe he's cut down some. Vamos a.
*see asterisk of previous post
bad blood
I think I've mentioned before that the "look on the bright side" sickies piss me off, like that woman on some forum who was all excited that chemo made her fingernails strong and she could get a decent manicure for the first time in her life. I simply cannot picture myself, in this lifetime or the next, putting a goofy smile on my face and saying, well, they're pumping me full of toxic waste but, hey, don't my nails look fab?
HOWEVER, if I were the person who sees the glass as half full, I would put a goofy smile on my face at 3:05 am and say, kinda cool that there's been a mozzie buzzing around and landing on me for the past hour (tried to kill it but can't*), but which refuses to sting me. My blood is too f-ed up even for this little bugger to suck.
Other Australian vocabulary picked up from the most excellent sodes, McLeod's Daughters:
ute
merc
leftos
(in no particular order)
Remember, you have to use a word something like 14 times to make it your own so start practicing. There's that mozzie again!
* I may have just alienated my only faithful reader. Sorry Rach.**
** Just kidding to other friends who read this blog religiously. (Yeah right.)
HOWEVER, if I were the person who sees the glass as half full, I would put a goofy smile on my face at 3:05 am and say, kinda cool that there's been a mozzie buzzing around and landing on me for the past hour (tried to kill it but can't*), but which refuses to sting me. My blood is too f-ed up even for this little bugger to suck.Other Australian vocabulary picked up from the most excellent sodes, McLeod's Daughters:
ute
merc
leftos
(in no particular order)
Remember, you have to use a word something like 14 times to make it your own so start practicing. There's that mozzie again!
* I may have just alienated my only faithful reader. Sorry Rach.**
** Just kidding to other friends who read this blog religiously. (Yeah right.)
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Extreme Home Makeover: Rat's Nest Edition
from the rat's nest...
I got home from the ospedale to find the front hall and tiny walkway (not really but don't know what to call that little section of hallway that connects "foyer" to kitchen to bathroom to bedroom) painted, and all the doors and doorframes white, as per my request of my handyman*. My original plan was to strip the doors and have them stained, but apparently we can't be sure of the quality of the wood, so it wouldn't be worth it to spend all that time and effort stripping them just to realize the wood is too crappy to show off. The rat's nest is night and day better and inspires me to keep doing stuff in here. Next should probably be bedroom walls or balcony doors?
*Handyman is GNN.
Also the handyman cut down the balcony railing to normal height, not paranoid childproof (we're all adults here!) height.
So the waiting has begun for biopsy results, meanwhile I'm getting whole medical history translated into English. Going to the country to recuperate and get some sun.
[The husband of the lady in the bed by the window turned out to be this crazy racist who started a diatribe on illegal immigrants. I happened to know from his wife that he and his family had been illegals in the States for years (except for his youngest daughter, who was born there). He absolutely lost his temper when I reminded him of that and I think implied that I was not a patriot. (ooh! terrible insult!) Later he tried to apologize and I told him to shove it. Felt very good, but I'm glad it happened on my last day in hosp so the tension wouldn't continue.]
Internet service at the rat's nest continues to be patchy. Why oh why does technology hate me? NO! I must start doing my mantras a la Louise "de la Haye". I should send the following message out to the universe: Technology loves me. It always does my bidding.
I got home from the ospedale to find the front hall and tiny walkway (not really but don't know what to call that little section of hallway that connects "foyer" to kitchen to bathroom to bedroom) painted, and all the doors and doorframes white, as per my request of my handyman*. My original plan was to strip the doors and have them stained, but apparently we can't be sure of the quality of the wood, so it wouldn't be worth it to spend all that time and effort stripping them just to realize the wood is too crappy to show off. The rat's nest is night and day better and inspires me to keep doing stuff in here. Next should probably be bedroom walls or balcony doors?
*Handyman is GNN.
Also the handyman cut down the balcony railing to normal height, not paranoid childproof (we're all adults here!) height.
So the waiting has begun for biopsy results, meanwhile I'm getting whole medical history translated into English. Going to the country to recuperate and get some sun.
[The husband of the lady in the bed by the window turned out to be this crazy racist who started a diatribe on illegal immigrants. I happened to know from his wife that he and his family had been illegals in the States for years (except for his youngest daughter, who was born there). He absolutely lost his temper when I reminded him of that and I think implied that I was not a patriot. (ooh! terrible insult!) Later he tried to apologize and I told him to shove it. Felt very good, but I'm glad it happened on my last day in hosp so the tension wouldn't continue.]
Internet service at the rat's nest continues to be patchy. Why oh why does technology hate me? NO! I must start doing my mantras a la Louise "de la Haye". I should send the following message out to the universe: Technology loves me. It always does my bidding.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Angel Weenie Buttenfly
from back in room 42...
I always say, if you buy clothes that are too tight and made from very ugly fabric, they might as well have something really clever written on them, such as the above. And spelled correctly, of course.
Dear Muffin-top girl,
Either you don't understand English and you're an idiot because you wear something that could say anything, OR you understand and are a huge dork.
Your friend,
The Queen of the MEGA Mainline
I would say that a garden hose sticking into your side and fed up ten inches into your chest qualifies as a MEGA mainline. Especially if it has the extra grossness factor of draining bloody fluid into a cool little plastic graduated container. [If I drown in my own sweat, of course, due to the fact that it's 150 degrees in here, the whole question of mainlines will be moot.]
I have also been given a cool contraption with plastic balls in it, which I get to take home when I check out. When you suck on the mouthpiece, the balls hit the top of the contraption. It's supposed to make your lungs stronger. They hadn't originally given me one but I asked for it because it looks cool. Right now I can only raise one ball...
Lots of neat equipment this time in the ospedale.
Also lots of brilliant drogas to keep me happy and pain-free.
"FOOD" TO AVOID:
1 ospedale food
2 airplane food
3 I will add to this list as I think of things
I always say, if you buy clothes that are too tight and made from very ugly fabric, they might as well have something really clever written on them, such as the above. And spelled correctly, of course.
Dear Muffin-top girl,
Either you don't understand English and you're an idiot because you wear something that could say anything, OR you understand and are a huge dork.
Your friend,
The Queen of the MEGA Mainline
I would say that a garden hose sticking into your side and fed up ten inches into your chest qualifies as a MEGA mainline. Especially if it has the extra grossness factor of draining bloody fluid into a cool little plastic graduated container. [If I drown in my own sweat, of course, due to the fact that it's 150 degrees in here, the whole question of mainlines will be moot.]
I have also been given a cool contraption with plastic balls in it, which I get to take home when I check out. When you suck on the mouthpiece, the balls hit the top of the contraption. It's supposed to make your lungs stronger. They hadn't originally given me one but I asked for it because it looks cool. Right now I can only raise one ball...
Lots of neat equipment this time in the ospedale.
Also lots of brilliant drogas to keep me happy and pain-free.
"FOOD" TO AVOID:
1 ospedale food
2 airplane food
3 I will add to this list as I think of things
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
ΔΕΣ ΤΗ ΘΕΤΙΚΗ ΠΛΕΥΡΑ ΤΗΣ ΖΩΗΣ
from neither the perch nor the nest, but
the ospedale,
from which I will not write about rude,
stinky people, although I oh so easily
COULD
because there is lots of material
here,
instead:
The "Greek Elvis" gets credit for the finishing touches to the following plan, originally suggested by G and El in the comments, and which I will implement as soon as I return to the projects (my neighborhood) and, more specifically, the cuca hatchery (my building) and, most specifically, the rat's nest:
1. fill paper bag with dog poo
2. set bag on fire
3. ring bell and run away
4. Vromyar II comes to door, stomps on bag, covering shoe/slipper with flaming, stinky shit
5. ring back door bell (!) or in this case, throw sth on his balcony to draw his attention
6. Vromyar II runs through entire house to balcony, tracking dog shit throughout the flat
brilliant simply brilliant
the ospedale,
from which I will not write about rude,
stinky people, although I oh so easily
COULD
because there is lots of material
here,
instead:
The "Greek Elvis" gets credit for the finishing touches to the following plan, originally suggested by G and El in the comments, and which I will implement as soon as I return to the projects (my neighborhood) and, more specifically, the cuca hatchery (my building) and, most specifically, the rat's nest:
1. fill paper bag with dog poo
2. set bag on fire
3. ring bell and run away
4. Vromyar II comes to door, stomps on bag, covering shoe/slipper with flaming, stinky shit
5. ring back door bell (!) or in this case, throw sth on his balcony to draw his attention
6. Vromyar II runs through entire house to balcony, tracking dog shit throughout the flat
brilliant simply brilliant
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