Hi, it's me, Barney, that annoying, huge purple beast that toddlers love and parents want to kill. I know you think I was arrested for child inappropriacy or some such disgraceful situation, but no, I write from the ospedale, resplendent in my purple coat. "But, Barney, aren't you supposed to be jolly and fully porpherus, rather than a grouchy, pitiful sicky with huge violet patches up and down your flabby arms and legs?" "Bite me."
Dear Dr P:
You are a sweet guy. You are knowledgeable and attentive. You don't mean to test my pain threshold on a daily basis and cover me in ginormous purple bruises. You certainly don't mean to break my veins and subject me to weird thrombosis treatments including aluminum water (?!?) held in by a giant diaper. However, this is what you do. I politely request, with all due respect, and with your needle at a distance, that you BITE ME.
My niece sends a spazzy threat and a two-middle-finger salute (half the peace sign, as G would call it) to the next person to treat me rotten. So there!
When do you officially become a certified vromyar? If your nose is partly clogged, and you can't smell yourself, does it count? If you're visually tidy, but bodily stinky, does it count? If your family is too nice to tell you you're reeky, does it count? Just wondering for academic reasons...
I will spare you the details of last week, when I sat about the perch with what turned out to be a hematocrit of 12. Are you familiar with those rubbery, jelly-like, amorphous toys sold by the Pakis in Monast? You slam 'em on the ground and they spread out with a plop? 'Twas I. Also, almost no platelets (cause of 2-day (!!) nosebleed of which you really don't want the details), almost no whites. Turns out the mustard is eviler than we thought.
The handyman has agreed to do some guest blogging as soon as he thinks of a good topic. Hopefully he will also address the existence of photos such as the following:
Is this just an innocent fitness planning chat, or is it part of the attempt to usurp my favored status and stage a coup de direction that will shake the very foundations of the KAS? Attention au grisby, Tonton Pierre! Attention au grisby!
may be getting out tomorrow...
18 Dec
Update: got out. Todo bi. On the way to the perch. Περαστικά, G, join us soon. Bring sis and Precious P.
3 comments:
KAS update: K is singing to B in the kitchen at the moment, quite energized by her few moments in passing with full scoop auntie this afternoon!!!!
Those pics are so cute, esp. the one of Handyman and K. CUTE!!!
I'm glad you're sprung, I hope you're feeling better.
I am also glad that Barney does not seem to be on my kids' radars :) But I wish someone would bruise up Dora the Explorer, she totally has it coming for her over-enunciation alone.
Barney is a vessel of evil. It sucks to be him. Dora is sweet and has a smart backpack. She is friends with a monkey. She knows a few words of Spanish. She is darkish and chubby. I like her.
PS: For future reference: When looking at "cute" pictures, you sometimes need to dig below the surface and look for ulterior meanings. Two platinum members of the KAS have started breaking Association Rules. G and the Spaz have been engaging in running events that exclude immobile pitiful sickies...What have they been discussing?
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