In search of substance

From the ratoncito's nest
My new high-speed internet is being temperamental. Hopefully, however, the green machine will operate in perfect harmony with the gonnegtion when it arrives with Pierre on Tuesday.

I am still processing my impressions of the visit of the life-giving visitors, on the eve of my next visitor, who is not really a guest because it's my bro and it's different. I'll say this: I sure knew how to pick 'em. I had high standards for my friends in school. I think it freaked them out a bit sometimes. But I just spent 9 days with two other women in very close quarters and loved every minute of it. We talked about everything under the sun: families, health, friends, politics, food, sodes. We didn't actually DO very much, since I couldn't, but it ended up not mattering. It was a weird combination of reconnecting and yet feeling like no time had passed since I'd seen them. Anyway, it felt great. I won't overanalyze.

I say what I want here, so I'll say this because it's in my mind. If that was goodbye, it was a good one. It'll be something they can remember and feel good about and look back on. I think.

I feel so lucky that the close relationships in my life are real, substantial, with people I can talk to honestly. I don't think many people have that, maybe they don't want it. I have said before that I'm not sure whether it's because I'm sick, or old, or it's my "borderline OCD" that can't deal with too many layers or directions in anything, much less relationships, but I have to say, there's very little bullshit in my life right now, very few bullshit interactions. I can't take them, and I don't have them, and that's huge. I am, or at least, used to be, so good at things like diplomacy (nice word). I could dish out the fake charm, pile on the malarkey with the best of them. A very good liar too, when I wanted to be. Small talk, no problem. I'm glad that I don't really (have to) do much of all of that any more. Of course, I don't go out much these days. I can't remember the last cocktail party I went to. So I guess if you're not social, you don't have to be sociable. Maybe some day I'll have to readjust.

On a different note: A tribute to my friends from the Land of Oz: I have a full-sized map of your country/continent on my hip. In a brilliant shade of eggplant. I salute you daily.

Back to the drawing board with your friendly neighborhood tumor. As soon as I can reduce the 'roids a bit more I'm having another surgery to biopsy the mass. It has been behaving so strangely that they want to see if it has changed at all since the initial diagnosis. Surgeon is smart and serious (same as last time). And, best of all, no visible scar. Because of the previous scar tissue, he needs to go in from the side this time. More complicated, more dangerous but hey, no visible scar.

Dappy should be arriving in New Jersey about now.